Parents, You’re Going to School, Not to a Pyjama Party

Monday. Stupid ‘o’ clock.

Why stupid ‘o’ clock? Well, the clocks have gone back one hour throughout the province of Alberta, but that didn’t seem to bother the kids. Nosirree, they’re completely undeterred and wish to get up at the newly allotted time of 530am. It was 630am and now it’s 530am. Which is no fun when you’re a (1) stay-at-home parent and (2) unemployed.

My idea of getting up in the morning as an unemployed stay-at-home layabout is sleepily murmuring ‘Bye, honey’ and then rolling over in bed while Mrs. C has to battle her way to work through snow, tornadoes, First Nations people, people queuing up for Tim Hortons, sexy Prime Ministers, moose and snow.

There you go, Internet, stereotypes abound!

The NDP, who currently ‘govern’ (I use that term VERY loosely) the province , would win so many votes if they acted out upon what our lovely Saskatchewan neighbours did, which was to ignore the whole ‘let’s reverse time by one hour because agriculture’ and just keep on trucking with the current timezone and decide to be good with that. Even better if they decided to do away with numbers completely and instead came up with fancy names like 12pm as ‘Quinoa’ and 1 pm as ‘Hugo’.

Midnight could be called ‘Trump’ because it’s all very dramatic.

So, back to my Monday. After feeding three kids breakfast and then feeding myself, I asked the 5 y.o and 4 y.o to go get themselves dressed while I fussed with Lightning’s lunch. In the ten minutes this took me to do, Pup had decided to poo himself so much that his nappy (translation for people of North America and other exotic types: “diaper”) came off and got stuck in his pyjama trouser leg. He was kind of trailing this around while crying and not looking very happy, which is understandable if you had done the same and now both of your legs are covered in crap.

By now it’s 745 am, so I ran a shower for Pup, got him cleaned, dried, dressed and ready to roll. 815 am and everybody is in the van, ready to take the quick five minute trip to school. Lightning goes to school on time, we’re all dressed and Butterfly even has her hair done up nicely in a ponytail. I’m feeling I’m rocking this Dad thing.

And then a bunch of moms showed up in their pyjamas.

I don’t care if you had a rough night, I don’t care if you had a rough morning, I don’t care if you’re feeling rough or there’s stuff going on in your life that makes you think ‘meh, I’ll just keep wearing what I wore all last night too’. Please don’t turn up in your jammies. Nobody except for your significant other needs to see your Sylvester the Cat housecoat. This is not a pyjama party, this is where you drop your kids off to school and you’ll have contact with other adults too. If I, a Dad, turned up in his pyjamas after all what happened on that Monday morning, tongues would wag and… nope, I would never turn up in just my pyjamas. That’s a level of embarrassment that I cannot stoop down to. It’s almost as embarrassing as having nearly 300 million people to choose from and coming up with two American Presidential candidates who will both be nothing but trouble.

Have some dignity, seriously.

Mom, turn up with a cup of coffee in your hand and a messy bun and that’s just as good. That just reeks of ‘I’m having a rough day’ while still fully clothed in a warm hoodie.

‘But it’s comfy!!’ says the nation of pyjama moms. Yes, it may be to you, but so’s saying ‘I don’t care about life in general’ on Facebook. Sure, you can say it but it doesn’t necessarily mean that people are going to respect you. Some people feel comfy in the nude, but it doesn’t mean that they’re going to show up naked to an elementary school.

There’s limits. And the law.

In ten years’ time, your kid will be saying, ‘Yeah, so my mom dropped me off at school in her pyjamas because we couldn’t get out of the door fast enough’ which says a lot about time-keeping and organisation and, let’s face it, it’s probably a miracle that your kid isn’t in pyjamas too. It’s only because his 5 y.o self rebels against the notion of going to school dressed like that and wants to wear clothes, therefore providing a boundary of dignity, self-esteem and safety.

No excuses, just get there dressed. You don’t have to wear make up. I don’t wear make up. But I am dressed. And I will totally judge you if you’re not.

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